Learning vs. Dwelling - or How the Past is aTrap!

  So as I mentioned in my last post, I am in the middle of planning my epic 25th anniversary vacation for next May. As of now, all the hotels are booked, and all that's left is the flights and rental car, which I can't book yet - I guess it's too far in advance.  The first leg of the trip involves spending a few days visiting my niece in San Francisco.  The last time I was there was about 5 ears ago, when I went out there with my sister for my niece's grad school graduation.

   As I ALSO mentioned in my last post, I have gained back most of the weight I had lost.  And I think about how I felt the last time I was in San Francisco.  I was still very overweight, but was able to do much more than I had thought I would be able to do, and didn't have the problem of long recovery time after lots of activity.  It's very important to me that I get in the best shape possible before this trip next year, because I want to be able to be active and enjoy all the great places we are planning to see.

   I struggle sometimes when I think of how far I had come then, and how much of a failure I feel like for being back in this position AGAIN.  But I know that nothing positive comes from that kind of thinking - it just brings up negative feelings and lots of self-recrimination.   And it casts a very long and dark shadow that can last days or even weeks, and can trigger bad eating choices.

   Learning from the past is important - there is much good that I can focus on and try to replicate about my eating and activity choices from that time.  And this can help me be successful in the present.  But it isn't healthy to dwell on the differences in my weight and abilities between then and now - that way lies madness!  So I'm working on finding the balance between learning from and dwelling on the past.  Definitely a work in progress!

I'll be a Maine-iac this week!

  So this week Dave and I are heading up to Boothbay, ME for a visit with his brother and sister-in-law.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to go this year, so I'm really excited we found a way to work it out.  I love it up there and we always have a great time.   MANY thanks go to my nephew, Michael, who will be house-sitting and caring for our beloved Seymour.

   I'm a little concerned about the week and what it will bring.  I've had a really amazing run at WW these last few weeks (14.8 lbs in 3 weeks!), and it's probably time that the weight loss will be slowing down a bit to a more reasonable rate.  But throw in a vacation week and my anxiety level is a little higher.

   I'm bringing my tracking notebook with me, and intend to write down everything I eat.  One of the cool things about where we're going is that there aren't any chain restaurants in the area, it's all local-owned.  But that can make tracking a bit of  a challenge, since my guesstimating skills aren't that sharp.  I want to make as many good choices as possible, and with the abundance of fresh seafood I should be able to focus on that.  My plan is to make the best choices I can, indulge a little in some of the unique things up there that I really love (hello Moody's Diner 4-berry pie!), and write it all down.

   I also have a plan to get in some activity while I'm there.  My brother in law's house is close to their local Y, so we can guest there a few times to swim a bit, or do some cardio.  They also have a big soccer field and playground behind their house, so I can always walk a few laps. That's actually my preference - I'd much rather be outside than in a gym.  The biggest concern I have is the plantar fasciitis acting badly and limiting my mobility.  I really lurch around by the end of the day, even with only moderate day-to-day level activity, like grocery shopping.  But getting some activity in is going to be crucial in managing the week.  I'm bringing some pain pills with me and my anti-inflammatory rub.

   I haven't set a weight based goal for the week. I think it's more important for me to set these behavioral goals instead, and let the scale fall where it may!  Now excuse me while I go pack!

Looking back at 2011

  I've been thinking a lot about this past year.  It feels like it's been a little wild - drastic highs and lows separated by mind-numbing ruts.  In reality, it's probably been pretty normal..  But it was full of really amazing personal experiences - mostly travel related.  In 6 months time, I had my feel in both the Atlantic and Pacific, and finally saw some of the southwest.  I went to 3 different National Parks - Redwoods National Forest., Acadia National Park and the Grand Canyon.  I also saw Red Rocks Canyon and the Valley of Fire State Park in Nevada.   For someone who hates to fly, that's a pretty good list!  And Acadia and Grand Canyon were bucket-list places to go for me.  I spent time in San Francisco, Boothbay Harbor, Bar Harbor and Las Vegas.  I was very fortunate to have these experiences this year.  And when I think back on this year, these will be the things that stand out the most for me.  It was a privilege to see so much of our country, and the diversity that exists within its borders.

  But this blog is mostly about my weight loss journey, and so there are things I must address along those lines that aren't as much fun to think about.  I'm going to start with the positives, though.  I started (very beginner level) hiking, and think that in it I've found an activity that marries several of my interests. I'm planning on having it factor into my 2012 plans in a larger way.  I was also  lucky enough to get an adult trike!  Because my knees are so week, riding my regular bike has become difficult - I don't feel that stable on it, and so it spent most of this year in the garage.  The structure of the trike will allow me to use it without those worries.  So that's also going to be a major player in my 2012 activity plans.

  From a weight-loss perspective, well, there's no easy way to say it.  It was a disaster.  I gained weight. too much.  I was okay in the first half of the year - sort of plateau-ing, but generally holding my course.  Once I got back from San Francisco, I just lost it.  And while I spent quite of bit of time trying to be on plan, I got very sloppy and lazy.  I allowed problems with my knees and feet to knock me off kilter, and seemed unable to rouse myself to more positive action for any significant enough amount of time to be effective.  I struggled emotionally and mentally, and ended up in a vicious cycle that many of us know all too well.  Sadness led to eating, which led to weight gain, which led to sadness.... and so on and so on.  

  The good news in all of this is that it's given me some real motivation.  I feel like I've snapped out of it (the holiday weekend notwithstanding), and am ready to move forward and make 2012 a MUCH better and more productive year.  I'm working now on setting up my goals for the year, and making sure that I build plans to achieve them.  I am in charge, and I can do better.  I will do better!

Vegas Approaches

   I was a little thrown off this weekend after my post Thanksgiving weigh-in didn't go as planned.  I was prepared for a gain at the scale because of the nature of the challenges I faced during the week, and the choices i made.  I just wasn't prepared for the gain to be as high as it was.  Now honestly, it was less than 1 pound above what I was prepared for, but it threw me nonetheless.  But back to a good attitude, and shaking off the disappointment.
   That all  being said - I leave for Vegas on Thursday!   I'm a little less anxious about flying, since I know I can get an extender, and I also don't have to worry if I encroach a little into my husband's seat.  I won't - I can actually fit in one seat, but we can put up the armrest between us so it's a bit more cozy.  It takes some of the stress out of it.
   We have a ton of activities planned - a couple of state parks, the Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon, Lake Mead.  One or two days exploring the casinos and the Strip, and on Sunday Dave runs the half marathon.  We got a room at an all-suites non-casino hotel, that affords us a full kitchen and laundry area in room, so that we can have better control over a good portion of our meals.  I'm hoping that the activity and walking/hiking we have planned will take care of the rest.
   So I'm spending today doing laundry, and when Dave gets home from work we're visiting with our niece before she moves back to Maine. Tomorrow we'll finalize the outline for our itinerary and make preparations to go!
   So I'll probably be quiet for a while, although I will be bringing my netbook with me.  I'll post pics on FB, and maybe a blog along the way!