Sunday, August 26, 2012

Knowledge is Power

  Dave and I have always had a tradition of using one day a week as an indulgence day, rather that scattering our weekly "extra" values during the week.  Of course, the problem with that is that we weren't tracking at all, and sometimes it became a whole weekend rather than one day.  There are many flaws in that approach, and we've realized that we have to make changes to that habit.  But that's another blog.

  Today, I did something I've never done before, which is to track everything I ate today, even going to websites to get the points values correct.  The news was scary, and a little eye-opening.  But also empowering.  Because now I know.  I can make adjustments, and do some things like get in extra activity this week to mitigate some of the excess. I'm not off plan, I'm not sliding to pieces after a great weight loss, I'm not cocky and thinking I can get away with anything.  Most importantly, I don't have that "well I blew it today so what the hell" kind of depression that comes with overindulging.  Because I got myself reoriented by tracking and taking control.

  It's an important step, because tracking has always been a weakness of mine, even under the best of circumstances.  And I notoriously don't track when I don't want to acknowledge what I've eaten.  So taking the step to write it all down and look up points is a huge one.  It's reinforced my knowledge that I MUST change my habits and choose more wisely, even when indulging.  And I go into tomorrow feeling in control, because I have done this positive thing.  In control and with a plan, and that's a good result!

Friday, August 17, 2012

5 pounds

   Hello everone... just a quick post tonight.  I believe I may have finally hit bottom in my self-pity wallowing. I am officially sick of myself.  There's a lot to say, and more posts will be coming soon.  But for now, let me just say that I've had it with myself.  I've taken some awfully big steps backward, and undone a lot of good, hard work.  But that's the past, and I can't change it.  And I'm tired of moping.  Time to take charge once again and do the work.

  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately - too much, really.  But one of the things I realized is that I need to go back to basics, back to the mindset I had when I started this journey.  Back then, I wasn't overly eager to  join and start working.  I had just come to a place where I knew things had to change.  I believe that the reason I had success was because I kept my focus small.  Never more than a 5-10-25 plan.  My short term goal was never more than 5 lbs away, medium range was 10, and long term was a 25 lb milestone.    And I realized then that it didn't matter how long it took, as long as I kept making strides in the right direction.  Those beliefs kept things feeling manageable.  It helped me stay focused, because each food decision felt impactful when my goal was 5 lbs.  When I started looking bigger picture, it got easier to start sliding on individual decisions.  I got into an "in the scope of 100 lbs to lose what difference does one (fill in the blank) make?" headspace.  And that way led to madness, and more and more sloppy decisions.  When I was just trying to make it to the next 5 lb marker, it was so much easier to see the direct correlations between what I ate and reaching my goal.

  So that's my goal.  I'm going to a meeting tomorrow morning (Saturday) to face the music. Whatever has happened is now the past, and I'm starting from whatever I weigh tomorrow.  I want to lose 5 lbs.  That's all.  Once I do that, I'll do it again.  As many times as I need to.