So as I mentioned in my last post, I am in the middle of planning my epic 25th anniversary vacation for next May. As of now, all the hotels are booked, and all that's left is the flights and rental car, which I can't book yet - I guess it's too far in advance. The first leg of the trip involves spending a few days visiting my niece in San Francisco. The last time I was there was about 5 ears ago, when I went out there with my sister for my niece's grad school graduation.
As I ALSO mentioned in my last post, I have gained back most of the weight I had lost. And I think about how I felt the last time I was in San Francisco. I was still very overweight, but was able to do much more than I had thought I would be able to do, and didn't have the problem of long recovery time after lots of activity. It's very important to me that I get in the best shape possible before this trip next year, because I want to be able to be active and enjoy all the great places we are planning to see.
I struggle sometimes when I think of how far I had come then, and how much of a failure I feel like for being back in this position AGAIN. But I know that nothing positive comes from that kind of thinking - it just brings up negative feelings and lots of self-recrimination. And it casts a very long and dark shadow that can last days or even weeks, and can trigger bad eating choices.
Learning from the past is important - there is much good that I can focus on and try to replicate about my eating and activity choices from that time. And this can help me be successful in the present. But it isn't healthy to dwell on the differences in my weight and abilities between then and now - that way lies madness! So I'm working on finding the balance between learning from and dwelling on the past. Definitely a work in progress!