I made a decision a while ago that may seem controversial to some. I decided to let my WW membership lapse so that I could start again. Weird, right? Let me explain - I've been struggling for a long time. A little up, a little down, struggling to find and maintain motivation. And the alarmingly overall trend in my weight has been slowly upward. I was feeling exhausted, and spending a lot of time berating myself over lost ground. It's an unhealthy mindset to be sure, but I couldn't shake it. I started thinking about resetting myself - doing a mental do-over to reinvigorate my thought process and help find motivation. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't.
I'd been thinking about this, and trying to work through it for some time. When Hurricane Sandy hit, we were fortunate. Very minor damage, and we were in the lucky position of being able to help out and house family members who lost power and heat. That kicked off a month of semi-controlled chaos, which included lots of ups and downs: the birth of a new grand-niece, the loss of my beloved cat, the opportunity to spend time with far-flung family, and the loss of privacy and regular routine. And the loss of regular routine was just what I needed.
So after months of thought, I took the opportunity that this chaotic period provided to stop attending meetings and weigh-ins. I let my membership lapse, and two weeks ago started my journey fresh. New weight record, new goals, new tracking notebook, new gym membership. I purchased the 10-week commitment plan, and had a very successful first week back on plan. Second weigh in comes this weekend, and I'm once again looking forward to meetings. It was a radical step, but I never had any intention of actually quitting. Doing this allowed me to let go of all the baggage and berating self-talk, and I no longer feel like I'm failing. It was definitely the right move for me.
The next step in all the newness will be a redesign and relaunch of this blog, with updated statistics and some pictures. It's funny how much lighter I feel psychologically and emotionally. I'm excited once again, and feeling positive, and hopefully I will be able to use this blog to let those things come across!