Hi all! It's been a long time (over a month) since I've written. Mostly it's because I've been doing some hard thinking - really taking a good look at myself and my behaviors. Trying to figure out what's gone wrong, and why my progress has taken such a bad turn. I'm up and down, gaining and losing the same weight. I had to face the harsh truth that it was about 9 months ago when I was at my best weight, before my trip to San Francisco. And even then, it had been a while since I had seen the scale move significantly. To be honest, the last 18 months or so on this journey have been disastrous. My weight is still up from where it was, and all progress I made in January I erased in February.
So I've been thinking about my motivations, and my penchant for self-sabotage, and my fears of really being successful. And what I have come to realize about myself is this.... I'm lazy. I spent a long time doing the work, and seeing results. And just like what happened in the past, I got a little loose with things, and a little cocky. And I stopped working so hard. Hence the mess I find myself in now.
But I realize that it isn't just the weight loss work, although that's a big chunk of the problem. It's life in general - I've been skating on housework and maintenance as well. I've become terrible at managing my time, and lazy about doing the things I find tedious or difficult. And just like with the weight loss, the results are not good. Setting the ship to right requires major effort.
So I spend my time doing things I enjoy, like dopping around online. Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest - lots of time goes to those activities. I see work that needs to be done and instead of doing it, I add it to my mental checklist of stuff I gotta do. And as things add to that list pretty quickly, I get overwhelmed and do nothing. So it's time to put myself on a diet, internet-wise. So at this time of night, when I'm waiting for the cat to return from his outside adventure for the evening, it's ok to spend some time blowing off steam online. But I have to cool it during the day, unless I've actually accomplished what I've set out to do that day. I think that's the only way for now.
And from a Weight Watchers perspective, that means I'll have more time to shop, search recipes, cook and get in activity. Now that spring is upon us, that becomes easier for me, since there's so many outdoor chores that need doing. I think that the only way to regain control is to simply seize it. If I'm right, there will be a positive domino effect in the near future.
So posts may get further and fewer, as well as FB status updates. But if all goes like I believe it can, and I gain control over my schedule, I'll be able to find a good balance. And that's the key! So it's off now to set a few concrete goals for this coming week, and put the finishing touches on the To-Do list!