I am so pissed off at myself. This summer has been a disaster, weight-loss wise. In fact, it's been just the opposite, as I've gained almost 30 lbs back over the last 6 months or so. I just couldn't get my mind right for enough time. There were days, even whole weeks, where I did pretty well, but all in all, I chose badly when it came to food. The end result was that even though my activity had increased significantly, my sloppy eating overwhelmed it.
And honestly, what was there that I ate that was worth it? Or even memorable? A couple of things were really good and worth the "at-the-moment" decision. But those kinds of things come up every once in a while, and can be easily dealt with by staying tightly on plan and bumping up activity. Most of what I ate was forgettable, just eat to be eating food. And I can't believe I was so stupid.
I got off track mentally, and allowed it to swallow me whole. It's like I gave myself a free pass to be stupid. I did a LOT of rationalizing - like well, I'll just get it out of my system this week, and will start fresh again after weigh in. Meanwhile, months have passed, and the weight has gone back up. No wonder my knees hurt all the time again, and I have zero stamina. I really HATE having to re-do work I already did. Such a waste of time. The only positive takeaway is that I didn't quit, and continued to get weighed in regularly.
But I've been back on plan since weigh in this week. Maybe getting mad was what I needed to stop the slide. And some of the small measures I talked about in an earlier post are starting to pay off. So there's no need to continue to dwell in this place of anger and self-recrimination. I've taken accountability, and now I've retaken control. Looking forward is the smartest thing I can do, so I'm planning a grocery list and menu, blogging, and looking for ways to keep adding activity. With this glorious fall weather we're having, it isn't hard.
So for now I'll take it one day, or sometimes one meal, at a time. I'll right the ship, get back to where I was, and then bust on through to new achievements. Thanks for listening!
Good for you for moving forward; it's good also to recognize the pitfalls but hindsight has that 20/20 perfect perception....don't beat yourself up. I know you're back on track and it'll be behind you again in no time :)
ReplyDeleteI read this late one night last week and thought once again, you were so in my head. I don't know what flipped the switch in my head to off but I too tossed all my hard work out the window a few months ago. And, I've been so angry with myself since then. I can't get the switch back to on and the scale keeps moving in the wrong direction. Grrrr! I hate that it's so easy to gain weight and a constant battle to lose it.
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