Monday, October 10, 2011

Feeling better now...except...

  Well, I was able to have a successful week last week, staying plan-focused and making good food choices.  And it paid off with a satisfying loss at the scale, which made me do the happy dance.  So now I'm working on this week, keeping my focus very small so that it continues to feel manageable.
   Having some mood issues at the moment, though.  I think it's because I've been keeping my eating under control, so instead of stuffing things down and taking solace in food, all this stuff is rising to the surface.  Not sure how much of what I'm feeling is legitimate, and how much is being magnified, but I'm definitely having some problems. 
    Met an old high school friend for lunch the other day (thanks, Facebook!), but left the lunch feeling kinda bad about myself.  She's very focused and motivated and successful in a way that I would like to be, and I just felt like I had nothing of substance to contribute when it came down to the "so what have you been up to these last 25 years" part of the conversation.  It was nothing she said or did - it was all me.  But I haven't been able to shake it.  And then I had a dream about a former friend that was really sad and painful, and it's been echoing all over my mood this last week.
   And truth be told, I'm having trouble mustering up continued support and enthusiasm for my husband's upcoming marathon.  I feel like it's the only thing anyone ever talks about when we get together, and it's certainly the only thing that he seems capable of talking about.  Or at least the only topic of conversation that holds his attention.  And I know that makes me a bitch, because it's a huge deal for him and will represent an enormous accomplishment.  But I think it's because it contributes to my feeling that I just don't bring anything to the table.  I have nothing of interest that's mine.  This is all TOTALLY my problem, and I have to figure out how to deal with it. 
   So now I'm off to run some errands and take care of a few odds and ends, and enjoy the gorgeous weather we've been having.  I'm sure the internal clouds will clear up soon!


  1. So I typed this nice long inspiring (so I thought) comment, and hit post comment...then my blogger locked up again. Grrhhhh. The only way I can manage to not get locked up is by using Google Reader, but you know how I've said I'm not good with change? Well, in case I haven't said it, I'm not good with change.

    Anyway, I understand how you're feeling. Just know that the journey you are taking IS JUST AS IMPORTANT as hubby's marathon.

  2. Glad you're small steps are helping you head back in the right direction! I keep moving further and further the wrong way. :( My head tells me all the right things to do but the rest of me keeps doing all the wrong things.

    I understand about reconnecting with someone and then looking in the mirror and not seeing what you like. I'm not talking about the physical but the other mirror that forces you to look inside. One of the reasons I didn't go to most of the reunions is because I didn't have a great story to tell. Not married. No great, exciting, fabulous career. No brilliant accomplishments. I finally went to our 20th because a classmate shared her wonderful advice of, "Who gives a crap?" and I couldn't really give her a good reason. I went and loved it! It was great to see people I hadn't seen in years. So much of the petty BS was gone. And, it was really uplifting to hear some very kind comments from old friends.

    I like me - warts and all! (I really don't have any warts!) My unglamourous life is a good one and though it's not the one I had planned for myself, I am blessed. I just forget it sometimes.

    Keep up the good work and keep inspiring us! Maybe I'll get my boat turned around one of these days too!