Back From the Dead, Metaphorically Speaking

I've been AWOL a long time.  It's very hard to explain what's been going on with me emotionally, so let's just say that it's been a two month long pity party.  I haven't quit WW or anything, I'm still attending meetings regularly, and half-assing the program enough to continue treading water.  But it's also been productive in a sense, because as a result of all this navel-gazing, I've had a few minor breakthroughs.

This is a quickie post to announce my return to the land of the living.  I've worked out a plan, that I'll be posting in a bit of detail.  That plan includes regular blog posting (including weigh-in and plan accountability). It also includes redefining my focus, and returning to the beginning.  I also read a really great article on Motivation that I'll be discussing in some detail, as it made a huge impact on me.

So for now, this is just me waving hello!  Details to come, either tomorrow or Monday, depending on schedule.  So watch out for some more regular updates from me!

Also, if anyone ever reads these posts, feel free to contact me on Facebook under the name WoobieLosingWeight.

See you all soon!

Giving Myself Credit

  I had a great WI today - down 6 lbs.  That's first.  Now in full disclosure mode, I have been having some fairly serious gastric problems of late.  I am scheduled to have a test done next week in hopes of nailing down a diagnosis.  But last Saturday evening, I had another serious bout of pain, and although I didn't need to go the the ER like last time, it was still pretty scary.  And for most of this week, I have been limited in my eating.  Some of that was simple fear - if I ate too much, I was afraid I'd start feeling pains again.  In the first day or two, I simply felt very tender, as a result of the stresses of Saturday night.  If I ate smaller amounts, I felt ok.

  So when I had this great weigh in result, I was tempted to write it off and say, well I was not feeling well, so it doesn't really count.  But the truth is, as I felt better, there was a pretty good war going on inside me most of the time.  I wanted to be cautious, because of the fear of another episode.  But I still really wanted to eat a lot at times, and not always good choices.  In fact, the devil on my shoulder kept rationalizing, and saying that since I was eating much smaller amounts than usual, and was frequently feeling actual hunger, that it would be ok to make some of my choices higher calorie/fat options.  Like having one of those delicious new frappes from Burger King instead of making myself a smoothie at home.

  I felt like it was an interesting week, with this battle raging on.  And the fact of the matter is that I continued to make smart choices, both in what I chose to eat and in my portion size. As a result, I've decided to give myself credit for the weight loss, because although some of it can be attributed to illness, the simple truth is that it would have been a lot less than 6 lbs if I'd given in to temptation.  So I gladly accepted the star the leader gave me, and shared my success at the meeting, with no hedging.

  It's so easy to diminish ourselves and our accomplishments.  To play them off, and act like they were accidental or just no big deal. So I followed last week's advice, and spoke to myself about it the way I would speak to a friend, and take the credit for the work.   And you know what?  I'm glad I did!

Little Tiny Goals

  Been needing to recharge my commitment lately... I've been seriously half-assing this thing for some time, and it's got to change.  I know I say things like that sometimes, and I've said it before.  And I'll probably say it again.  None of us are perfect, and I think that everyone struggles with their focus and motivation.  When something is a life-long process, like weight loss and maintenance is, there's bound to be some fallbacks.

  So I've decided to go back to basics this week, treating it as though it's my first week on plan.  I've got some good food options in the house, including lots of fresh fruit and veggies.  I have a healthy dinner already planned and ready to go for tomorrow.  And while I'd like to get back to setting some more aggressive goals, I figured this week it would be good to start with some baby steps...things that are important for success, but not very difficult to achieve with a little work.  Here goes:
 
     1.  Tracking EVERYTHING this week.  My tracking has fallen seriously by the wayside, so I have a nice new notebook and a pen I really like all set out and ready to go.
     2.  WATER WATER WATER.  I drink water pretty exclusively, so choosing it is a no-brainer.  But making sure I'm getting enough is important.  I have a WW insulated cup that holds 32 oz at a time.  I must drink at least 2 of those cups full per day.
     3.  At least 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day.  Going back through my materials so that I can accurately track portion sizes.
     4.  Activity - this goal is all about starting small.  It's activity 4 times this week, for a minimum of 30 minutes per day.  Hoping that most of it will be bike-related, since it's good cardio, and easier on my hurting feet.  Tendinitis in on foot and a heel spur in the other have led to some challenges, so I think that biking is my best solution this week.  I do have a couple of other options in my head though, in case that doesn't pan out.
     5.  Motivationally, I will write a list of all the things that I want to achieve on this journey... the laundry list of all the benefits and reasons I started in the first place.  It will be good to get it all down, to be able to use it to keep focused.

  That's the plan for this week.... I'll post again next week to let you all know how I've done!

The Power of Fresh Groceries

   Last week I didn't do any grocery shopping - we just lived on what we had in the house plus we ate dinner out most nights.  This was mostly due to the punishing amount of yard work I had to do, and the resulting pain and stiffness.  Well, the yard looks great, and I was able to accomplish more than I had originally thought, so that was a win.  But I knew that I needed to shop ASAP.

  So I spent some time over the weekend planning meals, organizing coupons and making lists.  And today my husband was nice enough to accompany me to both BJs and Shoprite on his day off.  There was a LOT of shopping to be done at both stores, and it took quite a bit of time to get it all done.

   But I love the possibilities of a freshly stocked kitchen.  Knowing that I have tons of fresh fruit and veggies, smart dairy choices, healthy meal ingredients, and even some WW-smart treats leaves me with renewed enthusiasm. I know that although I have a very busy week planned (lots of last minute cleaning and organizing in anticipation of some guests staying with us), I know that I can just pop open the fridge, cabinets or pantry and have lots of healthy options, and a wide variety of choices at my fingertips.

  I really think that sometimes when I'm struggling, the best thing I can do is stock up on great groceries... it's like an instant mood lift!

The Mulch Queen Cometh!

  Hello friends and reader(s)!  I've been keeping my head down these last couple of days taking care of business. My current project has been outdoor spring cleanup.  The weather is perfect right now, so I've been taking advantage of it.  Spending the last couple of days re-mulching the landscaping in front of my house.  Hauling bags all over the place, spreading the stuff out, pulling weeds, spraying weed killer, pulling up old dead plantings.  I am sore, I can tell you that much.  So I'm rewarding myself with some night-time internet fun time, while I wait for the anti-inflammatory to kick in so I can go to bed.
  My eating has been a little off the reservation this week, but not too bad.  I'm certainly racking up activity points that will help counterbalance.  Tomorrow should be the last of the mulch party, part 1.  There's more to do on the side of the house and in the back yard, but I may let Dave handle those over the weekend.  Although I really love the sense of accomplishment when I look out there and see the evidence of all my hard work.  And since we had the landscape plants fixed up last fall, it's really looking spiffy with the fresh mulch bed!
  I always prefer my activity in the form of activity, rather than exercise.  I do realize the benefits of structured exercise - particularly weight training.  But my money's always on just being active in some way.  Bike riding, tossing a frisbee or baseball, hiking, yard work - those are my activities of choice!
  So I'm feeling pretty positive about having stayed disciplined and doing the work I need to do, and saving most of my online time for later.  Starting to feel like things are coming back under my control - spring cleaning is good for that.  Making plans and following them has been very good for my state of mind... clutter and chaos beware!  The Queen of Mulch is coming for you!

Progress

   The last 10 days or so have been a major step in the right direction.  I've started being more productive during the day, and limiting my Facebook/internet time until later at night (for the most part).  My eating has gotten more controlled, and while not totally where I'd like to be, it's a HUGE improvement.  All in all, I'm feeling pretty positive.  I actually saw the scale go down last week, and that helped me feel like I've moved in the right direction.
   I was able to find a really nice park to check out, and have been there twice since the weekend.  It's got lots of hills, so walking/hiking there is a good workout.  There are benches scattered about, so after doing a bunch of walking, I rewarded myself at one of the ones at the top of a hill to do some birdwatching while I waited for my husband and my nephew, who were there bike riding (they are training for triathlons).  
   The really spectacular weather this week in our area has made me really itchy to get outside, so tomorrow starts the yard work/spring cleanup in earnest.  I expect to be able to gain a lot of activity points, since there's so much to be done.   Picking up sticks (where on earth DO they all come from?), weeding and mulching should keep me hopping.  I can't wait until the cleanup is finished, though - even though we had a mild winter, my yard looks like a disaster area!
   So that's where things are right now.. in progress!

It's Been a While

Hi all!  It's been a long time (over a month) since I've written.  Mostly it's because I've been doing some hard thinking  - really taking a good look at myself and my behaviors.  Trying to figure out what's gone wrong, and why my progress has taken such a bad turn.  I'm up and down, gaining and losing the same weight.  I had to face the harsh truth that it was about 9 months ago when I was at my best weight, before my trip to San Francisco.  And even then, it had been a while since I had seen the scale move significantly.  To be honest, the last 18 months or so on this journey have been disastrous.  My weight is still up from where it was, and all progress I made in January I erased in February.

So I've been thinking about my motivations, and my penchant for self-sabotage, and my fears of really being successful.  And what I have come to realize about myself is this.... I'm lazy.  I spent a long time doing the work, and seeing results.  And just like what happened in the past, I got a little loose with things, and a little cocky.  And I stopped working so hard.  Hence the mess I find myself in now.

But I realize that it isn't just the weight loss work, although that's a big chunk of the problem.  It's life in general - I've been skating on housework and maintenance as well.  I've become terrible at managing my time, and lazy about doing the things I find tedious or difficult.  And just like with the weight loss, the results are not good.  Setting the ship to right requires major effort.

So I spend my time doing things I enjoy, like dopping around online.  Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest - lots of time goes to those activities.  I see work that needs to be done and instead of doing it, I add it to my mental checklist of stuff I gotta do.  And as things add to that list pretty quickly, I get overwhelmed and do nothing.  So it's time to put myself on a diet, internet-wise.  So at this time of night, when I'm waiting for the cat to return from his outside adventure for the evening, it's ok to spend some time blowing off steam online.  But I have to cool it during the day, unless I've actually accomplished what I've set out to do that day.  I think that's the only way for now.

And from a Weight Watchers perspective, that means I'll have more time to shop, search recipes, cook and get in activity.  Now that spring is upon us, that becomes easier for me, since there's so many outdoor chores that need doing.  I think that the only way to regain control is to simply seize it.  If I'm right, there will be a positive domino effect in the near future.

So posts may get further and fewer, as well as FB status updates.  But if all goes like I believe it can, and I gain control over my schedule, I'll be able to find a good balance.  And that's the key!  So it's off now to set a few concrete goals for this coming week, and put the finishing touches on the To-Do list!