Learning vs. Dwelling - or How the Past is aTrap!

  So as I mentioned in my last post, I am in the middle of planning my epic 25th anniversary vacation for next May. As of now, all the hotels are booked, and all that's left is the flights and rental car, which I can't book yet - I guess it's too far in advance.  The first leg of the trip involves spending a few days visiting my niece in San Francisco.  The last time I was there was about 5 ears ago, when I went out there with my sister for my niece's grad school graduation.

   As I ALSO mentioned in my last post, I have gained back most of the weight I had lost.  And I think about how I felt the last time I was in San Francisco.  I was still very overweight, but was able to do much more than I had thought I would be able to do, and didn't have the problem of long recovery time after lots of activity.  It's very important to me that I get in the best shape possible before this trip next year, because I want to be able to be active and enjoy all the great places we are planning to see.

   I struggle sometimes when I think of how far I had come then, and how much of a failure I feel like for being back in this position AGAIN.  But I know that nothing positive comes from that kind of thinking - it just brings up negative feelings and lots of self-recrimination.   And it casts a very long and dark shadow that can last days or even weeks, and can trigger bad eating choices.

   Learning from the past is important - there is much good that I can focus on and try to replicate about my eating and activity choices from that time.  And this can help me be successful in the present.  But it isn't healthy to dwell on the differences in my weight and abilities between then and now - that way lies madness!  So I'm working on finding the balance between learning from and dwelling on the past.  Definitely a work in progress!

Back Again, With a Plan!

     Oh my goodness, it's been so long since I have worked on this blog!  When I look back at my old picture (which I will be updating soon), it makes me sad to see that I'm right back at the same weight pretty much.  According to my home scale, I'm at 350 lbs, which means that I've gained back most of the 25 lbs I worked so hard for over the winter.  I'll be honest, it makes me want to cry and just give up, but I won't do that.

     I have tons to say, but don't want this first post to be overwhelming.  Let me just say this - next year my husband I are will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.  We have been working on a pretty awesome vacation plan for next May to celebrate. Our anniversary is in August, but the trip will be earlier, to accommodate my husband's work schedule and because travel will be much cheaper in May than in August!

     But it means that 1 year from now I have to be able (and willing) to fly.  And the trip we're planning will be SO much better the more active I can be.  At the weight I am now, with the attendant physical limitations I'm experiencing, this trip would be incredibly difficult for me to enjoy.  I haven't set a specific weight goal yet, but my main thought is to simply focus, focus, focus and lose as much weight as possible before vacation time.

     There are some details to work out, but right now I'm keeping that focus VERY small.  No more than one week at a time so it doesn't feel like too much.  So my goals for this week are:

               1.  Start attending WW meetings again, by returning to my Thursday afternoon group.

               2.  Track my food and water intake this week.

               3.  Enter my measurements into the WW site - something I've never done before!

               4.  Start easing into activity by trying my new seated cardio DVD and restarting my
                    physical therapy exercises.

               5.  Restart my blog! - oh look - I already met one of my goals!

     There are lots of things I want to talk about and get off my chest regarding this journey of mine, and what's been going on these last 2 years.  I'm having my husband take my picture tonight so I can update my site, and I may look into some design tweaks.  But mostly I want to post weekly - I think it will be helpful to working out some of the psychological blocks I'm having.

     I hope you'll come with me and enjoy the trip!

In the Weeds

I have lost my way so badly I sometimes fear I'll never right my course.  But I know that I have to, and more importantly, I want to.  I need a plan, and then I need to set that plan into action.  I can do this, I know I can.  

Watch this space...

Meeting Shopping Once Again

   There's a new leader at the location I go to.  He's VERY new (only just past the maintenance stage himself), and very nice and enthusiastic.  His leader skills need a little work, but generally he's ok.  Here's the problem... he goes around to each member to ask them how they did at the scale - specifically how much weight they gained or lost.  And if you try to defer and just give a general statement, he really pushes the point.  And if you come in late, he will still make sure that he calls you out, even if he's in the middle of something else.  

   The two problems I have are this:  I don't always want to participate.  Even when I have a successful week at the scale, sometimes I just feel quiet.  I recognize that WW is best when people participate, gaining encouragement and a sense of community.  And sometimes I do like to participate, regardless of what the scale says.  But I feel like it should be my choice, and that if I try to politely decline giving a specific answer, then he should take the hint and move on.  There are lots of things I can contribute about how my week went, if everyone sharing their experience is his focus.  But that doesn't seem good enough - he really get relentless about the specific number on the scale.  

   The other issue is that it makes the meeting take WAY too long.  Sometimes he isn't done getting to everyone before it's time for the meeting to end, and then he still wants to talk about the week's topic.  It gets rushed, or sometimes brushed aside altogether.  And that's been in these last two months, when attendance is at its lowest.  I can't imagine how long it will take now that January is here, and the meetings get really busy.

   I plan on talking to him privately at weigh - in this week coming up, to see if we can come to some agreement about this issue.  One of the things I like about WW is that it is participatory, but I have always prized the notion that participation is voluntary.  I hate having to shop around for a different meeting, since I really like the group.  But the down side ends up being that I really don't want to stay for the meeting, especially if my weekly result isn't great.  And the meeting is important.  Hopefully there's a way to work this out!

Celebration Time

  So as I posted on Facebook earlier, I had a great week on the scale and lost 3 lbs.  What makes me happy about that, besides the simple fact of the weight loss, is that it brings me back to a total of 50 lbs lost.  For anyone who's been a reader before, this is a huge deal because I backslid for a while and gained back a lot of what I had once lost.  But I held on, stopped the slide, and started working my way back.  This benchmark is very important to me.
   Which means celebration time!  I already did one thing for myself, which is schedule a doctor's appointment.  I've been doing the very cliche thing and ducking the doc since my numbers weren't good.  Bad me!  So I went ahead and made the appointment, even though I'll still show a significant gain over the last time I was there, it's time to get back to doing the right things, and that includes getting new bloodwork and a checkup.
   But my real celebration will be more fun.  I'm going to go down to REI and get myself a really good and sturdy pair of hiking shoes. I usually go walking/hiking in my sneakers, and that just doesn't cut the mustard.   A 20% off coupon for the store just came in the mail, so it's like I get to celebrate and save money!
   It's my favorite time of year, and I've decided that since my stupid foots hurts whether I walk a lot or a little, I may as well feel the pain because I'm doing something I enjoy - I already have a few walks planned out in my head, so it's off to the store for me!

I'll be a Maine-iac this week!

  So this week Dave and I are heading up to Boothbay, ME for a visit with his brother and sister-in-law.  I wasn't sure we'd be able to go this year, so I'm really excited we found a way to work it out.  I love it up there and we always have a great time.   MANY thanks go to my nephew, Michael, who will be house-sitting and caring for our beloved Seymour.

   I'm a little concerned about the week and what it will bring.  I've had a really amazing run at WW these last few weeks (14.8 lbs in 3 weeks!), and it's probably time that the weight loss will be slowing down a bit to a more reasonable rate.  But throw in a vacation week and my anxiety level is a little higher.

   I'm bringing my tracking notebook with me, and intend to write down everything I eat.  One of the cool things about where we're going is that there aren't any chain restaurants in the area, it's all local-owned.  But that can make tracking a bit of  a challenge, since my guesstimating skills aren't that sharp.  I want to make as many good choices as possible, and with the abundance of fresh seafood I should be able to focus on that.  My plan is to make the best choices I can, indulge a little in some of the unique things up there that I really love (hello Moody's Diner 4-berry pie!), and write it all down.

   I also have a plan to get in some activity while I'm there.  My brother in law's house is close to their local Y, so we can guest there a few times to swim a bit, or do some cardio.  They also have a big soccer field and playground behind their house, so I can always walk a few laps. That's actually my preference - I'd much rather be outside than in a gym.  The biggest concern I have is the plantar fasciitis acting badly and limiting my mobility.  I really lurch around by the end of the day, even with only moderate day-to-day level activity, like grocery shopping.  But getting some activity in is going to be crucial in managing the week.  I'm bringing some pain pills with me and my anti-inflammatory rub.

   I haven't set a weight based goal for the week. I think it's more important for me to set these behavioral goals instead, and let the scale fall where it may!  Now excuse me while I go pack!

Knowledge is Power

  Dave and I have always had a tradition of using one day a week as an indulgence day, rather that scattering our weekly "extra" values during the week.  Of course, the problem with that is that we weren't tracking at all, and sometimes it became a whole weekend rather than one day.  There are many flaws in that approach, and we've realized that we have to make changes to that habit.  But that's another blog.

  Today, I did something I've never done before, which is to track everything I ate today, even going to websites to get the points values correct.  The news was scary, and a little eye-opening.  But also empowering.  Because now I know.  I can make adjustments, and do some things like get in extra activity this week to mitigate some of the excess. I'm not off plan, I'm not sliding to pieces after a great weight loss, I'm not cocky and thinking I can get away with anything.  Most importantly, I don't have that "well I blew it today so what the hell" kind of depression that comes with overindulging.  Because I got myself reoriented by tracking and taking control.

  It's an important step, because tracking has always been a weakness of mine, even under the best of circumstances.  And I notoriously don't track when I don't want to acknowledge what I've eaten.  So taking the step to write it all down and look up points is a huge one.  It's reinforced my knowledge that I MUST change my habits and choose more wisely, even when indulging.  And I go into tomorrow feeling in control, because I have done this positive thing.  In control and with a plan, and that's a good result!

5 pounds

   Hello everone... just a quick post tonight.  I believe I may have finally hit bottom in my self-pity wallowing. I am officially sick of myself.  There's a lot to say, and more posts will be coming soon.  But for now, let me just say that I've had it with myself.  I've taken some awfully big steps backward, and undone a lot of good, hard work.  But that's the past, and I can't change it.  And I'm tired of moping.  Time to take charge once again and do the work.

  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately - too much, really.  But one of the things I realized is that I need to go back to basics, back to the mindset I had when I started this journey.  Back then, I wasn't overly eager to  join and start working.  I had just come to a place where I knew things had to change.  I believe that the reason I had success was because I kept my focus small.  Never more than a 5-10-25 plan.  My short term goal was never more than 5 lbs away, medium range was 10, and long term was a 25 lb milestone.    And I realized then that it didn't matter how long it took, as long as I kept making strides in the right direction.  Those beliefs kept things feeling manageable.  It helped me stay focused, because each food decision felt impactful when my goal was 5 lbs.  When I started looking bigger picture, it got easier to start sliding on individual decisions.  I got into an "in the scope of 100 lbs to lose what difference does one (fill in the blank) make?" headspace.  And that way led to madness, and more and more sloppy decisions.  When I was just trying to make it to the next 5 lb marker, it was so much easier to see the direct correlations between what I ate and reaching my goal.

  So that's my goal.  I'm going to a meeting tomorrow morning (Saturday) to face the music. Whatever has happened is now the past, and I'm starting from whatever I weigh tomorrow.  I want to lose 5 lbs.  That's all.  Once I do that, I'll do it again.  As many times as I need to.

Back From the Dead, Metaphorically Speaking

I've been AWOL a long time.  It's very hard to explain what's been going on with me emotionally, so let's just say that it's been a two month long pity party.  I haven't quit WW or anything, I'm still attending meetings regularly, and half-assing the program enough to continue treading water.  But it's also been productive in a sense, because as a result of all this navel-gazing, I've had a few minor breakthroughs.

This is a quickie post to announce my return to the land of the living.  I've worked out a plan, that I'll be posting in a bit of detail.  That plan includes regular blog posting (including weigh-in and plan accountability). It also includes redefining my focus, and returning to the beginning.  I also read a really great article on Motivation that I'll be discussing in some detail, as it made a huge impact on me.

So for now, this is just me waving hello!  Details to come, either tomorrow or Monday, depending on schedule.  So watch out for some more regular updates from me!

Also, if anyone ever reads these posts, feel free to contact me on Facebook under the name WoobieLosingWeight.

See you all soon!

Giving Myself Credit

  I had a great WI today - down 6 lbs.  That's first.  Now in full disclosure mode, I have been having some fairly serious gastric problems of late.  I am scheduled to have a test done next week in hopes of nailing down a diagnosis.  But last Saturday evening, I had another serious bout of pain, and although I didn't need to go the the ER like last time, it was still pretty scary.  And for most of this week, I have been limited in my eating.  Some of that was simple fear - if I ate too much, I was afraid I'd start feeling pains again.  In the first day or two, I simply felt very tender, as a result of the stresses of Saturday night.  If I ate smaller amounts, I felt ok.

  So when I had this great weigh in result, I was tempted to write it off and say, well I was not feeling well, so it doesn't really count.  But the truth is, as I felt better, there was a pretty good war going on inside me most of the time.  I wanted to be cautious, because of the fear of another episode.  But I still really wanted to eat a lot at times, and not always good choices.  In fact, the devil on my shoulder kept rationalizing, and saying that since I was eating much smaller amounts than usual, and was frequently feeling actual hunger, that it would be ok to make some of my choices higher calorie/fat options.  Like having one of those delicious new frappes from Burger King instead of making myself a smoothie at home.

  I felt like it was an interesting week, with this battle raging on.  And the fact of the matter is that I continued to make smart choices, both in what I chose to eat and in my portion size. As a result, I've decided to give myself credit for the weight loss, because although some of it can be attributed to illness, the simple truth is that it would have been a lot less than 6 lbs if I'd given in to temptation.  So I gladly accepted the star the leader gave me, and shared my success at the meeting, with no hedging.

  It's so easy to diminish ourselves and our accomplishments.  To play them off, and act like they were accidental or just no big deal. So I followed last week's advice, and spoke to myself about it the way I would speak to a friend, and take the credit for the work.   And you know what?  I'm glad I did!

Little Tiny Goals

  Been needing to recharge my commitment lately... I've been seriously half-assing this thing for some time, and it's got to change.  I know I say things like that sometimes, and I've said it before.  And I'll probably say it again.  None of us are perfect, and I think that everyone struggles with their focus and motivation.  When something is a life-long process, like weight loss and maintenance is, there's bound to be some fallbacks.

  So I've decided to go back to basics this week, treating it as though it's my first week on plan.  I've got some good food options in the house, including lots of fresh fruit and veggies.  I have a healthy dinner already planned and ready to go for tomorrow.  And while I'd like to get back to setting some more aggressive goals, I figured this week it would be good to start with some baby steps...things that are important for success, but not very difficult to achieve with a little work.  Here goes:
 
     1.  Tracking EVERYTHING this week.  My tracking has fallen seriously by the wayside, so I have a nice new notebook and a pen I really like all set out and ready to go.
     2.  WATER WATER WATER.  I drink water pretty exclusively, so choosing it is a no-brainer.  But making sure I'm getting enough is important.  I have a WW insulated cup that holds 32 oz at a time.  I must drink at least 2 of those cups full per day.
     3.  At least 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day.  Going back through my materials so that I can accurately track portion sizes.
     4.  Activity - this goal is all about starting small.  It's activity 4 times this week, for a minimum of 30 minutes per day.  Hoping that most of it will be bike-related, since it's good cardio, and easier on my hurting feet.  Tendinitis in on foot and a heel spur in the other have led to some challenges, so I think that biking is my best solution this week.  I do have a couple of other options in my head though, in case that doesn't pan out.
     5.  Motivationally, I will write a list of all the things that I want to achieve on this journey... the laundry list of all the benefits and reasons I started in the first place.  It will be good to get it all down, to be able to use it to keep focused.

  That's the plan for this week.... I'll post again next week to let you all know how I've done!

The Power of Fresh Groceries

   Last week I didn't do any grocery shopping - we just lived on what we had in the house plus we ate dinner out most nights.  This was mostly due to the punishing amount of yard work I had to do, and the resulting pain and stiffness.  Well, the yard looks great, and I was able to accomplish more than I had originally thought, so that was a win.  But I knew that I needed to shop ASAP.

  So I spent some time over the weekend planning meals, organizing coupons and making lists.  And today my husband was nice enough to accompany me to both BJs and Shoprite on his day off.  There was a LOT of shopping to be done at both stores, and it took quite a bit of time to get it all done.

   But I love the possibilities of a freshly stocked kitchen.  Knowing that I have tons of fresh fruit and veggies, smart dairy choices, healthy meal ingredients, and even some WW-smart treats leaves me with renewed enthusiasm. I know that although I have a very busy week planned (lots of last minute cleaning and organizing in anticipation of some guests staying with us), I know that I can just pop open the fridge, cabinets or pantry and have lots of healthy options, and a wide variety of choices at my fingertips.

  I really think that sometimes when I'm struggling, the best thing I can do is stock up on great groceries... it's like an instant mood lift!

Looking back at 2011

  I've been thinking a lot about this past year.  It feels like it's been a little wild - drastic highs and lows separated by mind-numbing ruts.  In reality, it's probably been pretty normal..  But it was full of really amazing personal experiences - mostly travel related.  In 6 months time, I had my feel in both the Atlantic and Pacific, and finally saw some of the southwest.  I went to 3 different National Parks - Redwoods National Forest., Acadia National Park and the Grand Canyon.  I also saw Red Rocks Canyon and the Valley of Fire State Park in Nevada.   For someone who hates to fly, that's a pretty good list!  And Acadia and Grand Canyon were bucket-list places to go for me.  I spent time in San Francisco, Boothbay Harbor, Bar Harbor and Las Vegas.  I was very fortunate to have these experiences this year.  And when I think back on this year, these will be the things that stand out the most for me.  It was a privilege to see so much of our country, and the diversity that exists within its borders.

  But this blog is mostly about my weight loss journey, and so there are things I must address along those lines that aren't as much fun to think about.  I'm going to start with the positives, though.  I started (very beginner level) hiking, and think that in it I've found an activity that marries several of my interests. I'm planning on having it factor into my 2012 plans in a larger way.  I was also  lucky enough to get an adult trike!  Because my knees are so week, riding my regular bike has become difficult - I don't feel that stable on it, and so it spent most of this year in the garage.  The structure of the trike will allow me to use it without those worries.  So that's also going to be a major player in my 2012 activity plans.

  From a weight-loss perspective, well, there's no easy way to say it.  It was a disaster.  I gained weight. too much.  I was okay in the first half of the year - sort of plateau-ing, but generally holding my course.  Once I got back from San Francisco, I just lost it.  And while I spent quite of bit of time trying to be on plan, I got very sloppy and lazy.  I allowed problems with my knees and feet to knock me off kilter, and seemed unable to rouse myself to more positive action for any significant enough amount of time to be effective.  I struggled emotionally and mentally, and ended up in a vicious cycle that many of us know all too well.  Sadness led to eating, which led to weight gain, which led to sadness.... and so on and so on.  

  The good news in all of this is that it's given me some real motivation.  I feel like I've snapped out of it (the holiday weekend notwithstanding), and am ready to move forward and make 2012 a MUCH better and more productive year.  I'm working now on setting up my goals for the year, and making sure that I build plans to achieve them.  I am in charge, and I can do better.  I will do better!

Vegas Approaches

   I was a little thrown off this weekend after my post Thanksgiving weigh-in didn't go as planned.  I was prepared for a gain at the scale because of the nature of the challenges I faced during the week, and the choices i made.  I just wasn't prepared for the gain to be as high as it was.  Now honestly, it was less than 1 pound above what I was prepared for, but it threw me nonetheless.  But back to a good attitude, and shaking off the disappointment.
   That all  being said - I leave for Vegas on Thursday!   I'm a little less anxious about flying, since I know I can get an extender, and I also don't have to worry if I encroach a little into my husband's seat.  I won't - I can actually fit in one seat, but we can put up the armrest between us so it's a bit more cozy.  It takes some of the stress out of it.
   We have a ton of activities planned - a couple of state parks, the Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon, Lake Mead.  One or two days exploring the casinos and the Strip, and on Sunday Dave runs the half marathon.  We got a room at an all-suites non-casino hotel, that affords us a full kitchen and laundry area in room, so that we can have better control over a good portion of our meals.  I'm hoping that the activity and walking/hiking we have planned will take care of the rest.
   So I'm spending today doing laundry, and when Dave gets home from work we're visiting with our niece before she moves back to Maine. Tomorrow we'll finalize the outline for our itinerary and make preparations to go!
   So I'll probably be quiet for a while, although I will be bringing my netbook with me.  I'll post pics on FB, and maybe a blog along the way!

Cue the scary music...

...Because this week is Thanksgiving!

   Actually, I have a few challenges this week besides Thursday.  The first was tonight, with a family get together to watch some Sunday Night Football.  I did pretty well, though - we had dinner first, that was tracked.  And then I chose to keep the snacks in a separate area from where we were watching, so that people could load up plates for themselves, but I wouldn't be mindlessly eating from bowls of chips and such.  I did partake, but in a very restrained way, and kept to my Points.  Plus, I earned some good activity points today doing some leaf raking, which I'm holding on to for Thursday.
   The second challenge this week is that we're going out for a birthday dinner on Tuesday night.  So tomorrow's agenda item is to review the menu online so that I can make my choices beforehand, and not even have to look at the menu when we're there.  My friend Maureen gave me that idea, and I think it will be crucial!
   Then comes Thursday.  This will be the first year I'm not hosting, and I'm grateful at how relaxed I feel.  Not doing all that baking and cooking helps eliminate some of the "quality control" sampling that can really rack up the points.  And being able to relax and enjoy the week means having some extra time to sneak in more Activity, and to do my best to mentally rehearse and solidify strategies for not going bananas once I'm in front of all that food!  We already have some games planned, and I plan on doing a lot of my hanging around that day strategically away from where the snacks and desserts will be.
  So all in all, I'm feeling pretty good about this coming week.  Now if only my cold would go away so that my energy level would come back up to normal!  That being said, it's off to bed.

Halloween does not Signal an End to Being Smart!

   Used to be that the holiday season started with Thanksgiving and ended with New Year's.  And that time could be challenging from a weight loss perspective because of extra social events, work events, extra baking, and edible gifting.  But within that time frame, there were only a couple of actual holiday celebrations - just a few days within a six week period.  But those few days came to signal a surrender of sorts - people just throwing up their hands and saying "fill them with cookies and stuffing and pie and roast beast!!".  Because truly, it's only a few days of actual holiday time, and doesn't have to mean losing six weeks or so of momentum and progress and hard-won habits.

   But now it seems like people start the holiday season with Halloween, which means throwing away another couple of weeks at least, simply because there's one day that's candy and treat focused.  Some of it is the insanity of the retail world, I think.  I was shopping at BJs this past week and was surrounded by Christmas decorations - I had a hard time finding any Halloween items.  Same at Hallmark - all the Halloween stuff was on clearance to make way for the Christmas stuff.  And Halloween hasn't even happened yet!

   I made a decision when I started Weight Watchers again this last time that I wouldn't write off the last two and a half months of the year to the holidays, figuring I could just start again in January.  Because I can gain a lot more weight in two and a half months than I can take off in twice that time, even if I kill myself at the gym.  No candy bar, cookie or pie is worth it.  I can handle a couple of days that are food-oriented without tossing out the entire last quarter of the calendar.  I can take this challenging time of year into account and set my goals more reasonably.    Because I am stronger than any piece of candy, any cake, cookie, pie or even roast beast!

Itty Bitty Brain Dump

   So last week was a pretty crazy week, post-hurricane.  We suffered very little in the way of damage, although I am still contending with a small leak in the roof.  But all in all we were very lucky.  But there was lots of other stuff going on last week, so my schedule and planning were non-existent.  I was still able to post a loss, though, which came as a very happy surprise.  This week so far has been pretty sketchy, and I'm working today on correcting that.  Already have dinner planned - fish and roasted veggies.  I have some good options in the house for meals for the rest of the week, and now I just have to actually eat them, and stop going out!
   The leaky roof causes me stress, and I'm dealing with a nasty cold, so my sleep isn't what it needs to be.  That always makes it more challenging to make good decisions.  But I have lots of chores to do today to keep myself busy, and that's something that helps me stay on track.
   So although this is just a short status post, sitting down to write is part of keeping my head in the right place.  And like the commercial says, one good choice can help fuel the next one.  So now it's off to tackle the laundry mountain, and take care of some paperwork.  Talk to you all soon!

What Derek Jeter has to do with Weight Loss

   As a fan of the New York Yankees, I was happy today watching our Captain join a very elite club in baseball by getting his 3000th career hit.  During the game commentary, one of the announcers talked about how Derek grew up dreaming of being shortstop for the Yankees, and how great it was that his dream came true.  But that got me thinking.
   Derek Jeter dreamed of being the Yankee shortstop, but dreaming it wasn't enough.  He had to work long and hard to get to that goal (and yes, talent and luck, and the belief of a baseball scout when others weren't so sure).  But all in all, Derek achieved his dream - a very lofty one for a kid playing little league baseball - by putting his head down and doing the work.  Even when it was hard, and even when his dreamed seemed far away.
    And that's when I thought about something we talked about at the end of our WW meeting today.  Our leader asked us what one things we were going to do this week to help turn our dreams to reality.  Then I came home and watched this man make baseball history.  And I realized that it doesn't matter how lofty the dream, or how far away it may seem.  It takes hard work and determination.  It requires us to make choices that may feel like sacrifices, but act in service to achieving our dreams.  It means having strength even when we feel weak, and belief in ourselves and in the process even when it feels unmanageable.
   For Derek Jeter it meant endless hours of batting practice, fielding drills and physical conditioning.  For me it means planning my food choices, getting in activity, meeting the healthy guidelines and tracking.   And by sticking with it, even when it's hard, and it isn't fun, and it seems unreachable, I can see my dream of a more healthy me come true!

Home Again Home Again

I've been back from my San Francisco trip for a few days now, and most of the catch-up has been finished.  My husband and niece did a great job keeping up with the household chores, and kept my fledgling tomato plants alive and my outdoor birds fed.  Seymour the cat has been exceptionally snuggly since I've been home, and I've enjoyed every minute of it!
  So the trip itself... well I'm glad to report that I had no issues fitting into the seats on the airplane.  They were a bit snug, but not too tight or uncomfortable.  I still needed an extender, but the gap is closing, and I'd like to work on not needing one by the time I fly out to Vegas after Thanksgiving. 
  We were VERY active - the hills in the city are a good workout.  Walking anywhere included hills, and a brisk pace.  And when we weren't in the city we walked all over the place.  We went to the touristy areas like Pier 39, the Castro, Union Square and Alcatraz.  Then we went up north to spend 2 days in the Redwoods National Park areas and Muir Woods, and south to Monterey for whale watching and an aquarium visit.  On our last day we attended the Pride parade and walked around the many blocks of surrounding vendors.  I got great sleep at night, let me tell you.
   My food choices were varied - not entirely on or off plan.  I tried to be careful and make good choices where I could.  We went to the grocery store on our first day so I could stock up on healthful breakfast and snack options for the hotel room, which really helped.  I ate quite a  bit of seafood (although occasionally in the fish and chips form), and the produce out there was lovely.  I ate some of the best strawberries I ever tasted, and the overall emphasis on organic and healthy eating (especially up north) were a good influence. 
   I'll be weighing in tomorrow to see what the net result is.  I am expecting some gain, because 12 days is a long time to be out of my food "comfort zone", but hoping it will be small due to the large increase in activity.  Now July 1 is upon me, and it's time to set my mid to end year goals.  But that's another post!

San Francisco looms!

  My vacation to San Francisco starts in 15 days!!  I am very excited, albeit a little apprehensive about the plane rides.  May ask my doctor about an Rx for 2 Xanax, one for each flight, when I have my check up next week.  I probably won't do it, since I'm not a huge fan of medicines, and usually a strong believer in the "just suck it up" school of thought.  But it's two long flights, in two tiny airplane seats, and my big ol' butt (BOB) is gonna be really crammed in there!

   I'm a little frustrated with myself because not only will i not meet my 100 lbs lost goal, I've actually gone backward and gained a few pounds back over the last very very very UGLY two weeks.  But the ship has been righted - I think I actually ate so much crap over the last week or so that I can't stand the thought of eating things that aren't healthy.  So I got myself a little lunchtime treat of some brown rice sushi, and bought some gorgeous strawberries and blueberries.  Going to have some roasted turkey breast with grilled veggies for dinner, and maybe some low fat cottage cheese with all my new found berries for a snack.

   I was able to enjoy some fun activity yesterday with my nephews and husband - we were playing some baseball in their backyard and some frisbee later in the day.  It was so nice to be able to be active and participate, instead of just sitting on the sidelines watching, which is what I used to do.  I think that reminder was just what I needed to put the last piece of the  puzzle back in place.  My mind finally feels really right again - and now that I've started cleaning up my eating, I'm feeling much better physically as well.  Now it's off to finish up some laundry, and then hang out in the backyard for a while taking care of my birds and plants.