Halloween does not Signal an End to Being Smart!

   Used to be that the holiday season started with Thanksgiving and ended with New Year's.  And that time could be challenging from a weight loss perspective because of extra social events, work events, extra baking, and edible gifting.  But within that time frame, there were only a couple of actual holiday celebrations - just a few days within a six week period.  But those few days came to signal a surrender of sorts - people just throwing up their hands and saying "fill them with cookies and stuffing and pie and roast beast!!".  Because truly, it's only a few days of actual holiday time, and doesn't have to mean losing six weeks or so of momentum and progress and hard-won habits.

   But now it seems like people start the holiday season with Halloween, which means throwing away another couple of weeks at least, simply because there's one day that's candy and treat focused.  Some of it is the insanity of the retail world, I think.  I was shopping at BJs this past week and was surrounded by Christmas decorations - I had a hard time finding any Halloween items.  Same at Hallmark - all the Halloween stuff was on clearance to make way for the Christmas stuff.  And Halloween hasn't even happened yet!

   I made a decision when I started Weight Watchers again this last time that I wouldn't write off the last two and a half months of the year to the holidays, figuring I could just start again in January.  Because I can gain a lot more weight in two and a half months than I can take off in twice that time, even if I kill myself at the gym.  No candy bar, cookie or pie is worth it.  I can handle a couple of days that are food-oriented without tossing out the entire last quarter of the calendar.  I can take this challenging time of year into account and set my goals more reasonably.    Because I am stronger than any piece of candy, any cake, cookie, pie or even roast beast!

organization = motivation

   I'm still feeling a little bit all-over-the-place these days, but I've been working through it a little at a time.  I managed to do some bigger organization and cleanout chores this week, which I found really helpful.  Still have some more to work on, but it's been a good start.  I started with my food storage - pantry, small cupboard, fridge, freezer and cabinet.  It's amazing how quick those areas get cluttered up.  But now I can see everything, and have made the space much more user friendly. Then I started restocking after a couple of marathon grocery sessions - but I was smart, and only purchased things I needed to round out my staples and make meals for this week.  Today I have a few drawers and cabinets to organize, but that will be a much smaller project.

    So yesterday I took a trip to Whole Foods, which is a little off the beaten path for me.  I had gotten a Living Social deal for $10 off $20 worth of produce.  And their produce is so nice that of course I spent WAY more than $20.  But everything just looked so nice that it made me want to run home and start eating all the healthy things I had bought.  I also found some interesting roasted vegetable raviolis, that are very reasonable point-wise, and some mixed squash and zucchini to make with them.  It's been hard finding consistently good produce at the supermarkets, and I think it may be worth making the extra trip once a week to stock up.  As long as I stay within a budget.

   I think that having finally done some cleaning and organizing of my kitchen helped spur me on, and re-energized me.  It kind of gives things that "first week on plan" freshness.  So if you've got some clutter in your kitchen, I highly recommend tackling it! 

Feeling better now...except...

  Well, I was able to have a successful week last week, staying plan-focused and making good food choices.  And it paid off with a satisfying loss at the scale, which made me do the happy dance.  So now I'm working on this week, keeping my focus very small so that it continues to feel manageable.
   Having some mood issues at the moment, though.  I think it's because I've been keeping my eating under control, so instead of stuffing things down and taking solace in food, all this stuff is rising to the surface.  Not sure how much of what I'm feeling is legitimate, and how much is being magnified, but I'm definitely having some problems. 
    Met an old high school friend for lunch the other day (thanks, Facebook!), but left the lunch feeling kinda bad about myself.  She's very focused and motivated and successful in a way that I would like to be, and I just felt like I had nothing of substance to contribute when it came down to the "so what have you been up to these last 25 years" part of the conversation.  It was nothing she said or did - it was all me.  But I haven't been able to shake it.  And then I had a dream about a former friend that was really sad and painful, and it's been echoing all over my mood this last week.
   And truth be told, I'm having trouble mustering up continued support and enthusiasm for my husband's upcoming marathon.  I feel like it's the only thing anyone ever talks about when we get together, and it's certainly the only thing that he seems capable of talking about.  Or at least the only topic of conversation that holds his attention.  And I know that makes me a bitch, because it's a huge deal for him and will represent an enormous accomplishment.  But I think it's because it contributes to my feeling that I just don't bring anything to the table.  I have nothing of interest that's mine.  This is all TOTALLY my problem, and I have to figure out how to deal with it. 
   So now I'm off to run some errands and take care of a few odds and ends, and enjoy the gorgeous weather we've been having.  I'm sure the internal clouds will clear up soon!

Angry post alert!

  I am so pissed off at myself.  This summer has been a disaster, weight-loss wise.  In fact, it's been just the opposite, as I've gained almost 30 lbs back over the last 6 months or so.  I just couldn't get my mind right for enough time.  There were days, even whole weeks, where I did pretty well, but all in all, I chose badly when it came to food.  The end result was that even though my activity had increased significantly, my sloppy eating overwhelmed it. 
   And honestly, what was there that I ate that was worth it?  Or even memorable?  A couple of things were really good and worth the "at-the-moment" decision.  But those kinds of things come up every once in a while, and can be easily dealt with by staying tightly on plan and bumping up activity.  Most of what I ate was forgettable, just eat to be eating food.  And I can't believe I was so stupid. 
   I got off track mentally, and allowed it to swallow me whole.  It's like I gave myself a free pass to be stupid.  I did a LOT of rationalizing - like well, I'll just get it out of my system this week, and will start fresh again after weigh in.  Meanwhile, months have passed, and the weight has gone back up.  No wonder my knees hurt all the time again, and I have zero stamina.  I really HATE having to re-do work I already did.  Such a waste of time.  The only positive takeaway is that I didn't quit, and continued to get weighed in regularly.
   But I've been back on plan since weigh in this week.  Maybe getting mad was what I needed to stop the slide.  And some of the small measures I talked about in an earlier post are starting to pay off.  So there's no need to continue to dwell in this place of anger and self-recrimination.  I've taken accountability, and now I've retaken control.  Looking forward is the smartest thing I can do, so I'm planning a grocery list and menu, blogging, and looking for ways to keep adding activity. With this glorious fall weather we're having, it isn't hard. 
   So for now I'll take it one day, or sometimes one meal, at a time.  I'll right the ship, get back to where I was, and then bust on through to new achievements.  Thanks for listening!